These are discussion participation guidelines that ALAN uses for all of our meetings. Use them as a springboard, and adapt them to suit your own group.
Confidentiality pact: what happens in the Zoom stays in the Zoom (‘stories stay, lessons leave’)
Understand the difference between intent and impact. If you’ve made a mistake and someone else has taken the time to point it out to you, saying “I didn’t mean it that way” is saying “that wasn’t my intent”. Recognizing that you had a different impact on someone will be more productive than focusing on your intent.
What you can say instead: • I appreciate this feedback. • This is very helpful. • It’s my responsibility to resist defensiveness and complacency. • This is hard, but also stimulating and important. • Oops! • It is inevitable that I have this pattern. I want to change it. • It’s personal but not strictly personal. • I will focus on the message and not the messenger. • I need to build my capacity to endure discomfort and bear witness to the pain of racism.
Step up/step back: if you’re talking a lot, give others a chance to speak. If you're not speaking much, consider sharing your perspective. Also make space for people directly impacted by a particular issue to take up more space if their voice is traditionally not heard in these conversations -- regardless of whether they're a talkative or quiet person. If you're not speaking much because you're uninformed or inexperienced on a topic, consider taking an active listening role instead of talking.
Avoid pressuring others to speak. But if you notice someone is entirely withdrawn, maybe ask them privately what they need to feel comfortable joining the group again.
Check your privilege before/during/after speaking. Relatedly...
Keep power dynamics in mind. We hold different types of power based on our identities and positions within academia.
Many of the faculty in this discussion are on our committees, which we need to address/acknowledge. Keep in mind that things shouldn’t be carried out of the meeting.
Value that someone has the courage and know how to address you, especially if they are lower in power status
Use "I" statements. Individuals can only speak to their own experiences. Do not look to others to speak on behalf of their race, gender, ethnicity, or other groups they may identify as being a part of.
Oops/ouch - verbalize when you’ve made a mistake (“oops”) or if something someone says has offended you (“ouch”).
Be comfortable with silences - don’t begin talking just to fill space. Let people sit with their thoughts if need be
Lean into discomfort: Learning happens on the edge of our comfort zones. Push yourself to be open to new ideas and experiences even if they initially seem uncomfortable to you. Feeling your heart race? Take a deep breath or two. This is a good way to lean into discomfort.
Share, even if you don’t have the right words: Suspend judgment and allow others to be unpolished in their speaking. If you are unsure of their meaning, then ask for clarification.
Challenge the idea and not the person: If we wish to challenge something that has been said, we will challenge the idea or practice referred to, not the individual sharing the idea or practice.
Expect and accept non-closure
Respect/recognize that everyone is at a different level of their personal education on these topics
Identify where your learning edge is and find how you can take it deeper
If you want to be added to the speaking queue, type ‘next’ in the chat box. If nobody is in the queue, then conversation can proceed as normal